A Woman's Field Guide to Men: Patient Man

Patient Man:

-         General Characteristics – He listens. He’s slow to anger. He realizes that everything, really is going to be alright. He seldom criticizes you or others for that matter. Typically honest, and not in need of having his own way in life. He thinks before he speaks.

-         Relations after Marriage – Good. A Patient Man is particularly valuable, if you have kids, because he will be patient with them too.

-         Fidelity – Very Good.

-         Finances – Average to Good, but regardless, he’s the kind of man to retire early.

-         Chances – Good, but if you’re the type of woman looking for a man to “check you”, then keep looking. Patient Man, will speak his piece when warranted, but he is not the type to get in your face.

-         Future prospects – Patient Man is a reflective fellow, whose life focus is beyond you, for he realizes that the here and now, is just temporal and  will pass away. So, he thinks on things eternal, which accounts for much of his peace. (Note: Patient Man is a cross type, meaning that you’ll find in combination with several other types discussed here, with the exception of types like Mean Guy or Inconsiderate Guy.)

A Woman's Field Guide to Men: The Married Man

The Married Man:

-         General Characteristics – You know who he is. The problems start when you want an upgrade. Odds are high that he’s not leaving his wife, to be with you. Sure, you have a decent chance to mess up his home life, but that certainly won’t win you any favor with him.

-         Found in – Seemingly, everywhere when you’re looking. 

-         Relations after Marriage – If he happens to marry you, chances are they’ll be another you on the side.

-         Fidelity – Well below average.

-         Finances – Only about half as good, if you do get him.

-         Chances – Good with some men, poor with others.  Believe it or not, there are men who don’t cheat.

-         Future prospects – It can’t end well.

A Woman's Field Guide to Men: The Problem Solver

The Problem Solver:

-         General Characteristics – He was born to fix things. Most likely he’s in a problem solving profession or some field where he fixes things (like a mechanic). He’s very logical and expects the world to be likewise, but sometimes gets frustrated when it’s not (Think of Jack on “Lost”, always needing to fix something).

-         Relations after Marriage – Good, but like a typical man, when you approach him with a problem he will attempt to fix it. Often he wants you to cut to the chase, so that he can give you the solution.

-         Fidelity – Good. Hey, a Problem Solver doesn’t cause problems.

-         Finances – Very Good.

-         Chances – Very good, but if you’re a woman who needs her man to listen, you may find yourself frustrated.

-         Future prospects – These guys go one of two ways. Either they evolve into Patient Man or they find a woman who wants a man to “handle it”. Desperate Mommy and Ms. Underrated come to mind (please see my “A Man’s Field Guide to Women”) a good fit for The Problem Solver. It won’t necessarily be a healthy fit for either of the parties involved, but it’s a fit.

A Woman's Field Guide to Men: The Import

The Import:

-         General Characteristics – He’s not from here, but he loves him some American Woman. He’s loved you, long time, so to speak.  Typically, he’s educated (from any society, only the better educated men tend to travel abroad), but beware, should he wife you, he’s most likely going to expect some old world behavior out of you.

-         Relations after Marriage – Get used to being in the kitchen and laundry rooms of your new home.

-         Fidelity – They don’t tell you this in the movies, but most of the rest of the world doesn’t expect a man of means to spend it all on one woman.

-         Finances – In his mind, excellent, but then again he may have different expectations than most of us raised in the west (we’re a bit spoiled).

-         Chances – Great, if your skin is lighter than his and/or your English better.

-         Future prospects – If he can adapt, good.  But he may have trouble if he arrived to this country after his teen years.

A Woman's Field Guide to Men: Sugar Daddy

Sugar Daddy:

-         General Characteristics – Older gentleman, with money in his pocket looking for a “sweet young thang” to spend it on.  Also, commonly known as an old fool. But let us not judge too quickly. These old guys know the deal, and to them it’s worth the price of admission. They hope that you’ll stay around, if or when they get old or sick, but they know there’s a good chance you won’t. Also, consider Sugar Daddies are men who’ve been successful in their chosen profession, so they’re far more likely to help you get yours, than to hold you back.

-         Found in – Behind the counter of the store they own, hanging out at the coffee shop (all day, every day) and your local Commerce Club (or whatever you call it in your town). 

-         Relations after Marriage – Pretty much the same as your dating life, but less going out as they age (although, he’ll fund your going out, be it Macy’s or Paris). But here’s the thing, if you’re marrying a guy 20+ years older than you, then expect to be there when his health declines. And while this guy will likely have the financial responsibilities of his care covered, there’s still the issue of the personal attention an ailing spouse requires. In most of the world this is understood, but in western culture, not so much anymore.

-         Fidelity – Extremely good.

-         Finances – Very good, although healthcare costs/premiums may eventually dent your style just a bit. See if he’ll agree to move to Europe, then you’re set, and the culture there is much more supportive of such arrangements and they have free healthcare.

-         Chances – Well, the game is changing. With the advent of certain medications, these gentlemen have a little more, leverage. But assuming he does want to get married, the trend is that more and more of these men are connecting with immigrants of varying ethnic backgrounds. In many of these cultures a wealthy man, with a younger woman is common and expected. So, don’t enter the relationship like you’re doing ol’ boy a favor. He’s got money, so he’s got options.

-         Future prospects – Things aren’t like they used to be for these gentlemen (see my blog Death of the Sugar Daddy), but there are still enough women looking for Mr. Big Stuff, that’ll he’ll be alright.

A Woman's Field Guide to Men: The Hustler

The Hustler:

-         General Characteristics – He comes at you with plenty of swag. The kind of swag you only get from walking outside of the lines. Lots of guys who’ve been in prison, change their ways when they get out, but we’re not talking about those guys. We’re referring here to guys still in the game. I know the suits on Madison Avenue have you convinced that the Hustler is what you want in a man, but really? No, I mean really? (By the way, Tupac attended Julliard and James Dean was bi. Nothing wrong with either, I’m just saying, don’t believe the hype.)

-         Found in – In prison, on his way to prison, in the morgue or on his way to the morgue. 

-         Relations after Marriage – At best conjugal visits in seedy rooms upstate, three to four hours away. But for the most part you’re flying solo.

-         Fidelity – What do you think?

-         Finances – Drug dealing is a pyramid scheme. Those trying to get in the gang don’t get paid. Those on the first level make less than minimum wage (about $3.50/hr). The lieutenants may make close to six figures, and the kingpin of an international drug cartel, well, he’s getting paid.  But it’s really like playing the lottery, except when you lose, you’re the one getting “scratched” (When you get a chance, please see this video from the TED by Freakonomics author Steven Levitt Why do Drug Dealers still live with their Moms?).

-         Chances – The Hustler can always use another fool.

-         Future prospects – Not so bright, unless his cell has a window facing east.

A Woman's Field Guide to Men: Insensitive Guy

Insensitive Guy:

-         General Characteristics – Often mistaken for Inconsiderate Guy (forgetting birthdays, leaving the seat up, etc), but there is a key difference. Insensitive Guy has a spark of self-reflection, thus is open to change. You can talk to him and he will listen (consider) your perspective.  Guys like this you can work with and teach them how to treat their lady.  

-         Found in – Typical guy locations such as sports bars and gyms. 

-         Relations after Marriage – He’s a work in progress early on, but eventually he figures it out and will actually be one to past on what he’s learned to his sons.

-         Fidelity – Average to start, but improving to good over the years.

-         Finances – Average.

-         Chances – Good. He’s not running a game or anything, he’s just clueless. Big difference.

-         Future prospects – He’ll be alright in the long run. Ironically, he’s the guy who his ex’s meet years later and wonder how they let him go. But he’s not the same guy, Insensitive Guy evolves.