A Woman's Field Guide to Men: Patient Man

Patient Man:

-         General Characteristics – He listens. He’s slow to anger. He realizes that everything, really is going to be alright. He seldom criticizes you or others for that matter. Typically honest, and not in need of having his own way in life. He thinks before he speaks.

-         Relations after Marriage – Good. A Patient Man is particularly valuable, if you have kids, because he will be patient with them too.

-         Fidelity – Very Good.

-         Finances – Average to Good, but regardless, he’s the kind of man to retire early.

-         Chances – Good, but if you’re the type of woman looking for a man to “check you”, then keep looking. Patient Man, will speak his piece when warranted, but he is not the type to get in your face.

-         Future prospects – Patient Man is a reflective fellow, whose life focus is beyond you, for he realizes that the here and now, is just temporal and  will pass away. So, he thinks on things eternal, which accounts for much of his peace. (Note: Patient Man is a cross type, meaning that you’ll find in combination with several other types discussed here, with the exception of types like Mean Guy or Inconsiderate Guy.)

A Woman's Field Guide to Men: The Married Man

The Married Man:

-         General Characteristics – You know who he is. The problems start when you want an upgrade. Odds are high that he’s not leaving his wife, to be with you. Sure, you have a decent chance to mess up his home life, but that certainly won’t win you any favor with him.

-         Found in – Seemingly, everywhere when you’re looking. 

-         Relations after Marriage – If he happens to marry you, chances are they’ll be another you on the side.

-         Fidelity – Well below average.

-         Finances – Only about half as good, if you do get him.

-         Chances – Good with some men, poor with others.  Believe it or not, there are men who don’t cheat.

-         Future prospects – It can’t end well.

A Woman's Field Guide to Men: The Problem Solver

The Problem Solver:

-         General Characteristics – He was born to fix things. Most likely he’s in a problem solving profession or some field where he fixes things (like a mechanic). He’s very logical and expects the world to be likewise, but sometimes gets frustrated when it’s not (Think of Jack on “Lost”, always needing to fix something).

-         Relations after Marriage – Good, but like a typical man, when you approach him with a problem he will attempt to fix it. Often he wants you to cut to the chase, so that he can give you the solution.

-         Fidelity – Good. Hey, a Problem Solver doesn’t cause problems.

-         Finances – Very Good.

-         Chances – Very good, but if you’re a woman who needs her man to listen, you may find yourself frustrated.

-         Future prospects – These guys go one of two ways. Either they evolve into Patient Man or they find a woman who wants a man to “handle it”. Desperate Mommy and Ms. Underrated come to mind (please see my “A Man’s Field Guide to Women”) a good fit for The Problem Solver. It won’t necessarily be a healthy fit for either of the parties involved, but it’s a fit.

A Woman's Field Guide to Men: The Import

The Import:

-         General Characteristics – He’s not from here, but he loves him some American Woman. He’s loved you, long time, so to speak.  Typically, he’s educated (from any society, only the better educated men tend to travel abroad), but beware, should he wife you, he’s most likely going to expect some old world behavior out of you.

-         Relations after Marriage – Get used to being in the kitchen and laundry rooms of your new home.

-         Fidelity – They don’t tell you this in the movies, but most of the rest of the world doesn’t expect a man of means to spend it all on one woman.

-         Finances – In his mind, excellent, but then again he may have different expectations than most of us raised in the west (we’re a bit spoiled).

-         Chances – Great, if your skin is lighter than his and/or your English better.

-         Future prospects – If he can adapt, good.  But he may have trouble if he arrived to this country after his teen years.

A Woman's Field Guide to Men: Sugar Daddy

Sugar Daddy:

-         General Characteristics – Older gentleman, with money in his pocket looking for a “sweet young thang” to spend it on.  Also, commonly known as an old fool. But let us not judge too quickly. These old guys know the deal, and to them it’s worth the price of admission. They hope that you’ll stay around, if or when they get old or sick, but they know there’s a good chance you won’t. Also, consider Sugar Daddies are men who’ve been successful in their chosen profession, so they’re far more likely to help you get yours, than to hold you back.

-         Found in – Behind the counter of the store they own, hanging out at the coffee shop (all day, every day) and your local Commerce Club (or whatever you call it in your town). 

-         Relations after Marriage – Pretty much the same as your dating life, but less going out as they age (although, he’ll fund your going out, be it Macy’s or Paris). But here’s the thing, if you’re marrying a guy 20+ years older than you, then expect to be there when his health declines. And while this guy will likely have the financial responsibilities of his care covered, there’s still the issue of the personal attention an ailing spouse requires. In most of the world this is understood, but in western culture, not so much anymore.

-         Fidelity – Extremely good.

-         Finances – Very good, although healthcare costs/premiums may eventually dent your style just a bit. See if he’ll agree to move to Europe, then you’re set, and the culture there is much more supportive of such arrangements and they have free healthcare.

-         Chances – Well, the game is changing. With the advent of certain medications, these gentlemen have a little more, leverage. But assuming he does want to get married, the trend is that more and more of these men are connecting with immigrants of varying ethnic backgrounds. In many of these cultures a wealthy man, with a younger woman is common and expected. So, don’t enter the relationship like you’re doing ol’ boy a favor. He’s got money, so he’s got options.

-         Future prospects – Things aren’t like they used to be for these gentlemen (see my blog Death of the Sugar Daddy), but there are still enough women looking for Mr. Big Stuff, that’ll he’ll be alright.

A Woman's Field Guide to Men: The Hustler

The Hustler:

-         General Characteristics – He comes at you with plenty of swag. The kind of swag you only get from walking outside of the lines. Lots of guys who’ve been in prison, change their ways when they get out, but we’re not talking about those guys. We’re referring here to guys still in the game. I know the suits on Madison Avenue have you convinced that the Hustler is what you want in a man, but really? No, I mean really? (By the way, Tupac attended Julliard and James Dean was bi. Nothing wrong with either, I’m just saying, don’t believe the hype.)

-         Found in – In prison, on his way to prison, in the morgue or on his way to the morgue. 

-         Relations after Marriage – At best conjugal visits in seedy rooms upstate, three to four hours away. But for the most part you’re flying solo.

-         Fidelity – What do you think?

-         Finances – Drug dealing is a pyramid scheme. Those trying to get in the gang don’t get paid. Those on the first level make less than minimum wage (about $3.50/hr). The lieutenants may make close to six figures, and the kingpin of an international drug cartel, well, he’s getting paid.  But it’s really like playing the lottery, except when you lose, you’re the one getting “scratched” (When you get a chance, please see this video from the TED by Freakonomics author Steven Levitt Why do Drug Dealers still live with their Moms?).

-         Chances – The Hustler can always use another fool.

-         Future prospects – Not so bright, unless his cell has a window facing east.

A Woman's Field Guide to Men: Insensitive Guy

Insensitive Guy:

-         General Characteristics – Often mistaken for Inconsiderate Guy (forgetting birthdays, leaving the seat up, etc), but there is a key difference. Insensitive Guy has a spark of self-reflection, thus is open to change. You can talk to him and he will listen (consider) your perspective.  Guys like this you can work with and teach them how to treat their lady.  

-         Found in – Typical guy locations such as sports bars and gyms. 

-         Relations after Marriage – He’s a work in progress early on, but eventually he figures it out and will actually be one to past on what he’s learned to his sons.

-         Fidelity – Average to start, but improving to good over the years.

-         Finances – Average.

-         Chances – Good. He’s not running a game or anything, he’s just clueless. Big difference.

-         Future prospects – He’ll be alright in the long run. Ironically, he’s the guy who his ex’s meet years later and wonder how they let him go. But he’s not the same guy, Insensitive Guy evolves.

A Woman's Field Guide to Men: Inconsiderate Guy

Inconsiderate Guy:

-         General Characteristics – He’s a bit of an asshole. He puts his muddy feet up on your coffee table. He drinks up all the hooch, but never brings any. He tosses trash out his car and onto the ground anytime and anyplace it suits him (even if a trash can is just feet away). He’s self-centered and rationalizes that everyone else is too. He’s seldom intentionally mean, but he’s a troll nonetheless.

-         Found in – Breaking in line, cutting across 3 lanes of traffic so that he doesn’t miss his exit. Talking loudly on his cell phone in the movie theater, during the movie.

-         Relations after Marriage – Ain’t nothing changed.

-         Fidelity – Poor.

-         Finances – Average, although it will vary depending which field he’s in. Meaning that some lines of work reward selfish behavior.

-         Chances – He’ll date you, but please don’t stay with him thinking that he’ll change. He’s not the self-reflective type.

-         Future prospects – One day, he’ll wake up to the fact that, outside of his blood family, he has few real friends, just folks he kicks it with from time to time. And this jerk, might just be cool with that.

A Woman's Field Guide to Men: Mean Guy

Mean Guy:

-         General Characteristics – He’s an asshole.

-         Found in – Stalking his ex-girlfriend, keying his neighbor’s car, on YouTube cussing out his lady.

-         Relations after Marriage: Horrible. But what do you expect, he’s a asshole.

-         Fidelity – Nawl Shortie, Homie don’t play that, but he’s always accusing you. But the truth of the matter is that it’s not you. He’s the kind of guy that might beat your ass, just because it’s Tuesday and he’s bored.

-         Finances – Would be decent, if he could stay out of court.

-         Chances – Why would you want to be with this guy?  

-         Future prospects – An 8 by 5 cell.  Most of them have good survival instincts (smart about not getting caught), but they’ll eventually screw up. In fact, one reason they’re so mean, is because they’re not the brightest and being mean and controlling is their way to make up for that.

A Woman's Field Guide to Men: Adonis

Adonis:

-         General Characteristics – Never met a mirror he didn’t like. Works out 5 days a week or more. “Knows” he’s better looking than you and spends more on “products” than you.

-         Found in – In the mirror. 

-         Relations after Marriage – He’s a bit self-centered, but that’s not a show stopper for most of y’all, although perhaps it should be. Oh, but if the kids aren’t strikingly good looking, he may not claim them.

-         Fidelity – He needs his ego stroked, which unfortunately can lead to other kinds of stroking.

-         Finances – Slightly better than average (studies have shown that good looking people tend to get promoted more often. See Survival of the Prettiest).

-         Chances – He’s really not paying you any attention. But if you placate him and play dumb, he might say yes, when you ask him out.

-         Future prospects – He’ll get some promotions early in his career largely based on his looks (and height), but no one wants to lose money, so if he can’t cut it, he’ll be exposed. His looks will fade, but his ego won’t get the memo until 10 to 20 years later.

A Woman's Field Guide to Men: Stout-Hearted Man

Stout-Hearted Man:

-         General Characteristics – You know him. You went to church with him. Your mama wanted you to marry him (this coming from the woman who did everything she wanted to do, but wants you to play it safe… yes, that woman). He’s trustworthy, dependable, hard working, does what he says he’s going to do, puts others before himself, yada, yada, yada.  Y’all don’t hear me. Simple and easy ain’t sexy, but drama, for all its pain, is. Funny how that works.

-         Found in – Typically, in church or temple. 

-         Relations after Marriage – He will handle his and is 100% committed to your relationship.  He may not be much for social functions, but he’ll come home every night and you’ll know where he is, when he’s away.

-         Fidelity – Oh, he’s gonna do right. He’s a man for sure, but he places his family and wife before any the messages today’s society throws at him.

-         Finances – Better than other men with is education and means.

-         Chances – Good, if you’re a do-right woman.

-         Future prospects – Can be the love of a lifetime, if you let him. But regardless of whether you stick around or not, he’s going to be alright. His faith ensures that.

A Woman's Field Guide to Men: Artist/Musician

Artist/Musician:

-         General Characteristics – Let’s clarify things first. We’re not talking about the guy who works for GM during the week and plays at church on Sundays. No, we’re talking about guys who are fulltime artist and/or musicians. Like his female counterpart, his art is the love of his life. So, you can be his inspiration or even his wife, but please don’t ask him to deny his calling, for that is who he is.

-         Found in – Dive Bars, art festivals, music and jazz festivals.

-         Relations after Marriage – They’ll be doing their thing, so you will need to handle things. You may question their judgment with the kids, but artist are risk takers by nature.

-         Fidelity – There may be some truth behind their reputation, but then too they get approached more often than the average man.  Many (but not most) men are only as faithful as their options. …just saying.

-         Finances – Not so good and they have been known to hit a sister up for a donation or two.

-         Chances – They tend to play the field, but are open to marriage.

-         Future prospects – They don’t much care, as long as they get to play and/or create. Seriously, you need to be “this tall” emotionally for this ride. All so often, I see women of artist become frustrated, when he’s been the same thing all along. It helps if you love for art/music is almost as great as his.

A Woman's Field Guide to Men: Soul Brother

Soul Brother:

-         General Characteristics – Down with the cause. He proudly wears afro-centric clothing, but may rock 70’s throw back look from time to time. He’s friends with everyone.  He knows the hook up man, someone down at the courthouse and Pookie down the street. He’s into the old ways, so he’s cool with marriage.

-         Found in – Community events, Cultural events and Festivals. Or you can just follow your nose (incent & natural oils) 

-         Relations after Marriage – Soul Brother ain’t looking for a high maintenance woman (and she ain’t looking for him either). But he keeps it 100% so if you’re for real and can handle your own, and just want someone to share life with, he’s your man.

-         Fidelity – Average, but if he does stray, her name won’t be Becky.

-         Finances – He’s not down with the system, so don’t expect him to climb the corporate ladder or even to fully buy into this capitalistic society…although, strictly speaking, he’s not opposed to getting his hustle on.

-         Chances – Good, but you need to be a certain type of woman, because Soul Brother is not willing to sell out, for any woman.

-         Future prospects – So ladies, if you want what you say you want, then Soul Brother is a good choice for you.  But come on now, some of y’all just be joshing.

A Woman's Field Guide to Men: Killer Whale

Killer Whale:

-         General Characteristics – Former Fish Bait, but unlike other men who have evolved and moved on, Killer Whale has decided to flip the script. He’s balling now, in a relative sense, and is playing the game from the top. He has realized that he doesn’t have to chase women; they will chase him, if he lets them. Of course, having money now helps, but it’s equally about attitude.  He’s determined that in western society, women will pursue a man with money, at all cost. But I would admen his belief and say that “certain” women will. Ironically, the same woman that plays herself for the Killer Whale is the same woman he couldn’t get when he was Fish Bait, the Distraction, because she’s the one who has waited her entire dating life for some big payoff at the end. So, she will chase and chase and chase…

-         Found in – A nice house, with a nice car and no wife. 

-         Relations after Marriage – Actually, he’s not feeling the marriage thing.  He may evolve… but you can’t make that happen. Remember women, you can’t change a man (see my Ten Relationship Commandments for Women for more helpful tips).

-         Fidelity – N/A.

-         Finances – Very Good

-         Chances – Good for dating, poor for a committed relationship.

-         Future prospects – Most Killer Whales don’t stay this way, but he might roll like this for two years or twenty, so it’s hard to say. But here is an article which helps to explain why his game is so tight (Why is it termed a black man shortage, when most women in this country are single?)

A Woman's Field Guild to Men: Fish Bait

Fish Bait:

-         General Characteristics – Single guy who is the total opposite of The Libertarian. He plays totally by the rules when it comes to women and is totally perplexed why he gets no play. He has no game, but spends 90% of his time and resources chasing the Distraction (see A Man’s Field Guide to Women).  Typically a younger man, but most of these guys figure things out well before they’re 40, if not 30 (but not all).

-         Found in – Happy Hours and Nightclubs around the country.

-         Relations after Marriage – Until he changes, he’ll be single unless he gets a girl from the country or overseas (aka, an old school woman). These modern women are too much for him.

-         Fidelity – Extremely good.

-         Finances – Average, but improving. Remember he plays by the rules.

-         Chances – Very good, but you won’t.

-         Future prospects – Fairly Bright.

A Woman's Field Guide to Men: The Libertarian

The Libertarian:

-         General Characteristics – He’s not playing by the rules, which he feels are outdated anyway. He’s honest to a fault and very transparent. He may have a significant other who is fully aware of whom he is, and is cool with it. And although he may step out with you, he’s not particularly concerned if your activities mess up your situation, because he operates under the premise that we’re all adults here. His progressive lifestyle is more common overseas than in the States. The Free Agent is a type of Libertarian, and the Exchange Student (see A Man’s Field Guide to Women) is a female form of The Libertarian. And honestly, they very well may be the future of male/female relations.

-         Found in – Positions of power and intelligence. 

-         Relations after Marriage – Good as long as you’re down with the program, but similar to the Goddess, The Libertarian seldom chooses a mate that doesn’t meet his needs.

-         Fidelity – N/A.  Not saying that he won’t be faithful, but he feels no societal pressure to be so.

-         Finances – Good to Great.

-         Chances – If you live for the moment and have your own peace, then good. But if you’re one to plan for the future or wanting some measure of control, then keep it moving.

-         Future prospects – He’ll be alright.

A Woman's Field Guide to Men: Pseudo Free Agent

Pseudo Free Agent:

-         General Characteristics – He thinks he’s a Free Agent, but he’s not. The telltale sign is possessiveness.  A real Free Agent doesn’t care who you’re seeing besides him, but the Pseudo Free Agent wants you to be loyal to him, while he continues to shop around. Plus, a real Free Agent won’t play games; he’ll tell you the deal up front. But with the Pseudo Free Agent, you won’t find out the deal until after an initial rabbit dance or two.

-         Found in – All around. 

-         Relations after Marriage – Not real likely to get married anytime soon, but later in life if they do.  

-         Fidelity – Not into that so much. Unless… He has a real paradigm shift that moves him from would-be player to a Good Man. But he’s told the ladies so often that his player days are behind him, that even he doesn’t know the truth of the matter anymore. So, you best see it, before you believe it.

-         Finances – Not the best, but he does save money on dating, since he’s rarely going in his pocket for you.

-         Chances – Good, but do you really want to make someone a priority, who views you as a Tuesday night option.

-         Future prospects – He’ll settle down someday, but it won’t be with one of his “options” from back in the day. He’ll want a clean slate, and that might be best for all concerned.

A Woman's Field Guide to Men: Free Agent

Free Agent:

-         General Characteristics – He keeps it light and honest.  If you connect, you connect. No big deal. He doesn’t care who you date when he’s not around. In fact, he’s so secure; he “might” even hook you up with one of his more marriage minded friends, if you tire of him.  But he’s not planning to ever marry. The whole concept is foreign to him. On the other hand, he’ll “date” all kinds of women. He doesn’t discriminate.

-         Found in – An artsy and free thinking crowd. He hangs out with the Libertarian on occasion

-         Relations after Marriage – N/A.

-         Fidelity – N/A.

-         Finances – Not so good, but some of his ladies subsidize his lifestyle.

-         Chances – Great if he’s available, but he’s not the most punctual fellow.

-         Future prospects – He’ll be the shaggy looking guy at the beach selling snow cones, but he’ll be happy.